Very much alive

I've come to a point in which I wonder all the senses, and connections and meanings...if there really is a purpose to all of this, a karma and an end!
I chose to stay, it sounded the best way back then, but now I'm not sure of that anymore! I'm watching some people go, and other staying and I am not quit clear of what should be suiting me now, and mostly it hurts because I'm watching u go farther each day that passes...but somehow I'm cold, I should be sad, I should be crying but instead I shut my heart and I pretend I don't need anybody...and I feel away!
However, I still believe, well I have to, that there is a point, and a sense and a meaning, and for some reason unknown this was the best option for me! Deep inside I know no matter what I will always have me and others, they will change and exchange, but I shall never be alone!
But I will miss you, and I am sorry I never say what I feel because I'm too scared or too proud, but at least I feel it and I know I am still very much alive...
=')