Lost and never to be found

it hurts but I don't know where... it aches but I don't know why... it takes my breathe way but I don't care, at least I know I am alive!
I don't want September to come, but days pass and I'm running time... I'm lost and I don't feel like looking for my body and soul. I left my heart there, somehow I don't know where it was all along...till Barcelona! Now it's still perfect pubs and clubs, friends and family, food and booze, but soon it will come the classes, and that room, and the same ghosts and I'm better off this way...that means far far away! some people are gone for good and others still there just to bother, but I don't care coz my world is far, my head is on the other side and I am lost, and that...that will never change!

Music when the lights go out

Decisions, decisions...
Sometimes I wish I was a sure person, always with my feet on the ground and my head in its right place...but I am not and it's certainly out of my reach to change it...
I live my life on lucid dreams, distracted by the lights and the sounds, by the booze and the smoke, by the clothes and the shoes, by sleeping till late and eating like tomorrow will never come... and when I have to stop and look myself in the mirror...the same question comes along!
Most of the time I'm full of crap... I shove it up everyone's ass and shove it up my own ass...I do buy my own shit, I'm a liar even to myself...
I'm full of it...I say and I do it...but I go all soft when someone caresses my face or touches my hair, I'm a sucker for tenderness... people just have to do those little puppy eyes and I am lost...
I'm not hardcore, or independent or strong...I'm just scared of loneliness which is silly but I feel like admiting it...

Got keep it like this

I'M HAPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY =)
I'VE GOT EVERYTHING NOW... IT WAS ALWAYS RIGHT IN FRONT OF MEEE AND I JUST WAS BLIND TO SEE IT... BUT I DID IT...AND I'M BACK!!!!!!!!

=')
i'm in love...

Apaixonei-me...

É verdade, cai de amores, perdiçao, paixao, estou hipnotizada...por Barcelona! Apaixonei me pelos lugares, pelos museus, casa, ruas, pelo parc guell, pelo port olympic, por toda a noite, pelos espanhois, pelo espanhol... eu so queria ficar!! Todos dias acordava com aquela emoçao de alegria que explode no peito, que sentes mesmo, refiro me fisicamente! Vestia o biquini e mergulhava na piscina, enquanto nadava sentia aquela paz interior! Durante a tarde so queria a cidade, ver tudo, absorver tudo que via e ouvia, e vinha sempre com ar de sorriso e estupidificaçao! A NOITE, A NOITE, era a cereja no topo do bolo!!! Todas as nacionalidades, eu treinei espanhol, ingles, alemao...ate com italiano tive que me desenrascar, mas os meus preferidos eram os espanhois e as suas frases de 'socializaçao'! Todo o espirito invadiu o meu, e eu sentia me outra, e ao mesmo tempo eu mesma, livre... E agora sem dramas, de todas as cidades que visitei, esta foi a unica que ficou com um pedacinho de mim, e a vontade de regressar para ver tudo de novo e todos de novo, e mais alguem especial!=)

???

I don't get it... serious I just don't =/



...well still I'm going to Barcelona tomorrow =)

I'M PISSED OFF

OK I've been pissed off for months, probably for years... but I numb it and once in a wild I get this MADDD AND I BLEW UP (MENTALLY) EVERYTHING!!! sometimes I blame her, and him, and you, and everyone, but I know I should just be blaming me... oh I wished I could just call you as everything was as before... it's not like I don't have anyone else to call, I do, but I wanted to call you... tomorrow I'll be fine again...I always find a way to numb it... and tell myself it's OK...I'M OK... but now I know it's not ok...i'm not great or fine...it's not ok...it's not ok... so fuck ya very much!